uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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