I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
