Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
