Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
