You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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