Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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