I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
