I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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