The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
