No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
