Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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