when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
