Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
