last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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