I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
