Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
