somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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