I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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