My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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