I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
