I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
