yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
