I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
