The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
