This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
