He had one of those small greek statue penises
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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