Dual....:-)
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
