she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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