i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
