walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My life is pants optional.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
