forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
