Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
dude. I can hear the air.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
