I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
