Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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