He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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