You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
