Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize