I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
