My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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