It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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