i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
