First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
