I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
