I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
