So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I look better un-naked...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
