These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
