sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
