I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
