Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
