Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Randomize
