You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
