If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
