Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
