And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
