I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
