Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize