my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
