Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
