remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
