I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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