Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So gin and wine won't be happening again
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
