I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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