i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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