I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
