Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
