please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
