my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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