I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
