i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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