When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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