Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
