matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
only you would photoshop your dick
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
