it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize