i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
