Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
