I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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