Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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