R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
