I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
