We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
