let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
