What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
MIDGETS
????
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
