how can u be prego again
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
