Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
