I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize