I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
