Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
